ThinkTank

is being free from sadness equivalent to happiness or is it just monotony?

is worrying a kind of pessimism or is it a kind of care and concern of an optimist?

is it identity that we are searching or is it because we are so at loss that we create an unknown to feel a little more secured?

Happy New Year!!!
[opps its 12noon not mn XD]

Helping

haha...this would certainly turn Miaoqin off...XD
Super long, read it slowly and peruse...hehe =]

part I

Define help.

we help each other to live in this world. You constantly require assistance. If you deny such a fact, then you're probably helpless or hopeless...haha! this thought came about rom a little conversation with my mum then reinforced by a show.

Yo look around you, people in pain, agony, misery, depression. We often have the first level called Sympathy if you are humane enough to feel so. then comes the next level called Trying to Help, and Finally there're two consequences to your actions, one being less while the other being more of each. Take for instance, you see a boy drowning in a pool, your first instinct was to jump into the pool even though you can't swim. Well, you're very lucky that the pool is shallow enough for your head to stick out and breathe. Well many people will call that Heroic, Brave but there's another name to it, i call it Stupid. What if the pool was so deep that in the end both of you drown, dumb ya? okay, this was just an example, i guess not many people in the world would actually do that. Like doctors, they are equipped with medical knowledge to save a patient. If you act like the one i mentioned up there then you would probably kill instead of saving aye. ya...

i've an aspiration to become a psychiatrist, because when i was young, i see people sad, people committing suicide, these are things that i do not wanna see them repeat, at least not around me. And before i can be one, i've to study real hard for it. But being a retainee, i have wasted yet another year to games, lame things and you name it. i know alot of people out there do not know what to be when they grow up. Well this is due to the fact that they are aimless and probably focusing on different temptations that seem so vague which envelopes different kinda jobs and professions. Some people dream of being rich, some wanna be famous, others maybe powerful. But there's a very warming fact that at least half of the world population is in some way charitable =D Maybe some day some how, my mindset would change and i would pursue luxury instead. Possible ya.

So so, today before you lend a helping hand, are you ready or not? As you see poor little ones roaming the streets, you would love to provide them with shelter, food and clean clothes, well are you doing so? so that maybe when you grow up, get your own cash and do whatever you want, you might see them no more because you've help them with that determination NOW! but but, simple things like giving up your seats to lovely small ones, cracking immobile oldies, or wonderful mothers-to-be. eh guys, please do open doors for the ladies, especially the ladies' cubicle doors!!! wahahahahaha!!!

Quote from mum:
Help yourself before helping others

i'm eating Green tea flavoured biscuit in Chinese red tea!!! Yummy!
okay part II

You board a bus, trudge through the aisle and you found yourself a comfortable seat. Training was like hell, and you feel so lucky to find a window seat, hug your bag as you slowly proceed on dreaming. Suddenly, the bus screeched to a halt, exhausting its leather brakes, the jerk brought you back to the familiar longness. There you see an old AH MA! boarding the bus with groceries in one hand and EZ-Link! in the other. [little fact, did you know that HK octopus card right, can buy Mcdonald, buy food from 7Eleven, vending machines, then no $$$ ask mum to top up!!! wahahahaha!!!] all the seats were filled however the weary body of yours is so reluctant to give up the seat, firstly inconvenience, secondly you think that maybe someone would be kind enough to offer theirs. However, you do not assume for others, for you are not them, and sometimes you just lose that initiative of yours to the comfort and the convenience that you are in.

We often lack the initiative to stand up against all odds. Like guys, why be virgins? when even girls nowadays are offering themselves, when people laugh at you because you are one? Ever watched 40 yr old virgin? He's challenged by his peers to go hook up some female in a bar but he kinda shy away because of his beliefs. It's a beautiful thing isn't it? Standing up for yourself, doing what the majority is not. We so often think that if the majority is doing so, we should follow and do it. Like a collective moral value thing.

You know when we were young, we were, or at least i was, taught to voice out if something is wrong, if you were very sure. Do you know how revolutions come about? it comes about because people voice out their discontentment, then a initiator would step up and lead the group to overthrow the corrupted useless Tsar. It requires bravery, intelligence and most of all the Heart. You know, its like when someone gets bullied and the bullies are your friends, then you tell them to stop, they will go like "WTF is your problem, he's just another loser". However, this suggest that they are intimidated by your care and concern, the courage and the love you show. You might then after lose some friends but you showed them the way, hoping that someday they might change, you won a battle that is everlasting, in you and others. You know actually, i did bullied people when i was immaturely retarded, but there's this person that taught me how to love and it definitely feels better to care and love than to embrace the joy derived from bullying. So today again haha, be a man, do the right thing! what is right? i'm not telling you because you have to judge or maybe experience before you know the truth. However please do not weep with regret, do not act before its too late.

Wait wait, before that, initiating is like fashion, trend setter and follower, we all like to be the setter, be cool, be the Hot stuff, be the topic of discussions. But before you initiate something, let it not be too bizarre, let it be understandable and approachable. Let it be a good example....hehe=D Let it be of good purpose....

Initiate NOW!!! Sing the China National Anthem!!! XD

Long!!! part III

Lately i understood a fact. You see, sometimes facts are just right in your face but we choose to deny them. The fact is that people live differently, as in mentally thus choosing their course of life. Life is

all about studies
all about playing
all about working
all about family
all about friends
all about helping others
all about basketball
all about earning loads
all about U

See we all have our own "all about" which then help us decide our lives, what we want to achieve in life...wait...i wanna shit... BRB =p sometimes we despise certain group of people. like for example, the ultimate muggers, they seem to have no life, but to them, life is all about studying and someday they might be the inventors or researchers of a new and more effective cure for cancer, maybe they are the lifeless people who saved your life. =D so much of no life ya...

sometimes i admire people who heck care about their appearance, like wear high socks, skirt at knee length, classic big frames, stupid looking backpacks. i watched this show, this girl said "i dun care" then the coach replied "because no one cares about you" kinda harsh, kinda true though, but for people who i mentioned, it seems totally unapplicable. They care more than anyone do. There's one time when Qiurong came into the library with a stack of chinese notes that belongs to Qintan i think. She went all around the school to look for her, fearing that the notes might be of importance to Qintan's chinese class later. Again, so much of no life. haha!!! i look at them, muggers, lifeless they are, yet a bunch of wonderful people. Maybe i did over generalise abit but seeing is believing, what i have seen so far has proven that generalising is okay. haha! sometimes right, you find them very quiet, disengaged from the vibrant class but when you talk to them, you'll find out how amazing they are, leaving you in awe at the end of the wonderful day cos they make it so. =] i salute them for their heck-care-ness...wahaha!!!

Because we are all unique in looks and character, discussion seems forever necessary, stepping into a different social circle will expose you to UV, Unutterable Veracity. Allowing you to see different perspective of life. then you will understand more and able to appreciate others MORE! damn tired... blehhh... bahhhhh... seeping tea and peeing tea!! hahaha!! We should go for conglomerate merging more often than horizontal integration. Vertical integration only happens when you are like 30+ 40, with your parents and kids...hahaa!! i think sticking too much to our own kinda people will only make us more deep-rooted in our beliefs, less open, more stubborn and very very narrow-minded. This is just a Statement from Billy, doesn't have to be true :p

well i shall end here...freak my folder zip just came off..."luck" now i fixed it back... pro...thank you. maybe you will appreciate different kinda people more cos now that you apprehend the fact that all of us work and think differently haha!! Approach unique individuals, you might be shocked by their volume. volume? hmm...ya...just an expression...

Start Conglomerate Merging
its super "profitable" to your LIFE!!

X-traordinary

I'm super duper happy!! hahaha!! Went out with the team since ages ago and we got a new member to our quartet! Chongling!!! haha!!! Ohmy...we saw guys spraying you-know on the girls during and after the christmas countdown!! We pon the countdown and went for a movie instead. I must say Curse of the Golden Flower was a real real boring show. i spent 20 min sleeping, then 40 min messaging people "Merry Christmas"!! haha!! then stared blankly at the enormous screen for the rest of the show...blehhh...OhOh! we had christmas party at Siobhan house and its cool!! we had so many games and Geordie was suppose to dance...but we decided to let him off..ahahah!! then the idea of staying over up came so adrupt!! Stoned for like half an hour to come with something to do...then concluded with a game of cluedo then reluctantly went to 7-11. there's this thing in Taman Jurong Playground that is super fun...got so high spinning in it. The world within seem so different. Everything is so blur and art-y? haahaa... and i won my first blackjack!! Got 2 dollars and stopped!! haha!! Never assume luck always goes your way =D these were the first 2 happy days...then

After monday xmas mass, i went breakfast with Geordie, Eugene and Ryan...the Prata Place! hehe!! went over to his house to play [sound so primary school XD]. Great Fun!! The next day, i was forced to go to HC concert by Big-Arse Tengen!!! hahah!!! it was good...i liked the music but the high school kids were screwing up the first part. MQ never come find me...saw Dion but never see you, i thought both of ya were unseperatable? hmm...ahaha! then went to find Honda after that to find out that they were going home...they as in they!! wahahaha!!! they are so predictable!

here's a little testimonial about Jeremy. Although he always exaggerate, bullshit, flirt but he's a nice person at the end of the day. He will be the one that board the bus with you when your car breaks down, he will the one beside you when sob, he will give his all when you need him. Not to be personal but that the truth somehow i guess. Maybe that's why girls are attracted to the metro him, aka Flirtatious. haha!!! Aiya...shall not flatter him anymore...

Battery running low, shall end here...

Meeting the "kids" next year =D

Culpable

sometime ago, this person stepped into my life. We became good friends, and good is a very prestigious and rare adjective i would place in front of that familiar noun. Just then all were well, we exchanged thoughts and words and crap till the phone gets hot. Like earthquake, so unpredictable, our friendship was crushed by one of my reckless act and there goes a good friend that seemed to have given up, let feelings deepen no more, let distance lessen no more. i sat and contemplated how i have given up on them instead of the other way round. dotss... i wish there's a time machine, and let this phrase "if i knew" vanish and disappear forever.

i act like a kid but think like a man.

Bus 157

okay, i'm talking to this friend on MSN now and i got to know a very interesting fact. You see, normal human beings sleep away one third of their lives right? WEll for a normal woman, after puberty, they spend one quarter of their lives in Bloodiness and Emotional Malaise. You must understand the cycle, the emotional and agonizing system that a female goes through. And for men around, its sometimes too tough to understand. Its like pre-WAR, WAR and post-WAR. you just have to substitute the variable WAR with MS[menstration]. Before carrying on, i must apologize for making such sacrifice a joke but but, i very well think its damn true... When females are in bad mood, i just assume their aunties are paying them a visit. haha!! sorry...well well...

I was watching NBA games and talking about bball moves with RongKang at his residence. Cool, and RongKang's mum's cooking is real yummy!!! Mummy here comes a challenger!! haha!!

Then i got the priviledge to take a bumpy ride home. Singapore buses have real lousy engines, this vehicles are like Big man on courts, they move slowly and when they acelerate, it may just take a million years. No jokes about that man!!! haha!!! There on the bus, i try to balance myself as it jerks back and forth, seemingly trying to throw up the passengers and lightens its burden. Well, i very well get glued to my seat as much as possible, cos i won't wanna perform "Hollywood"-like stuns landing me in no fame but shame... hahahaha!!! it was a boring ride, just my crazy brain there to accompany and entertain me.

Aiya...Training tomorrow..better ZZzZzzZZzzZz before i go diZZzZzZZzZZy on court!!! DUNCH RAIN!!!

Let's get Retarded!!!

Supper

i just came back from supper with Shanny!!! Wahahaha...3+ in the morning and it has been raining for 3 days. The rainy clouds chased away the sun, covering the sky in a coat of greyish empathy. i guess everyone feels the same during such a watery season. Good weather for naps but how long can naps be. Such weather should and only be temporary.

Like a fashionable impassive thunderstorm that, on the other hand, brings about so much emotions to imaginative people where such feelings prolong more than they should. It may be weeping sadness from the sky or shower of blessings. So maybe before you get wadeva results, dash into the heavy pounding rain to receive your blessings. next day you wake up to find yourself burning at 39, bedridden, and unable to claim your cert, and someone will be the bearer of good or bad news, leaving you in anxiety and a sense of feared curiosity, since confidence then was just a psychotherapy. Blessing aint it? Don't hafta tense up with the rest, tasting no atmosphere, and if you gotta cry out loud, no one's there to see you weak, to see you regretful, to see you sad. Living in denial aint it?

In such a weather, i have lost my motivation to do various stuff, like a couch potato, staying indoor, as others struggle on the pouring streets, wasting time, when others yearn to live just another second to say "i love you" or "please forgive me". Well i shall write what i should since donkey years ago.

Humans need constant reminders to certain things and pain is the best alarm of all. Painful experience are good reminders to values in life. For example, a person who went to war, a person who recovered from cancer, a person whose best friend was wasted in a car accident, these people treasure life more than any normal individuals. The difference is the thing they went through, the experience they gained. Life is so fragile and unpredictable, someday somehow, a satellite fragment might choose to smash your skull and crush your precious life. Are we treasuring our life? Do we deserve it? We take it for granted aye? i do, the way i kill time is atrocious. Some children who are diagnosed with terminal illness pray that their breath would last another day, just to see tomorrow, just to feel the sunshine of another beautiful morning. Every new morning, the sun smiles at these children, giving them hope of miracle, yet science has proven facts that challenge such delusions. Slowly, hope diminshed with little determination left, they choose the easy way out, and commit suicide mentally, persevere no more and there the heartbeat stops, dream unfulfilled. Frankly speaking, they would like to buy the time you wasted, the time you took for granted. However time is not transferrable, and because of that, they die as we carry on the habit of squandering, remaining ignorant of the birth of eternity. I always wanted to help out at places, but its always thoughts not put into actions. haisss...its been a long time since i visited the childcare. missing the kids there, gayish paedophile!!! wahaha!!! So i think people really needa experience extremity, the physical eternal departure, to really understand the meaning and value of living. We are born with two hands to catch the falling stars so that we shine brightly and bless at the same time and two legs to roam around the world to manifest such love and care, be helpful for there is a chinese saying "Happiness is derived from helping"! Crap...my thoughts are cocked up!!!

Aiya...super duper tired!!!

Sometimes people say that there's no one to love. Bullshit! For your love is too narrow and too sharp. Broaden it, Blunt it, for love itself is shared not to just an individual but to the rest of the world. there's different kinda love, the BGR[dunno if its real love], Parents, Siblings, Friends, Strangers, the AIs[Annoying irritants] lol!!! The last being the toughest. For most people are neutral, neither like nor dislike such unique groups. hahaha!!! So maybe, prepare some small little sweets before going out, and if you see any crying child, hand them a sweet so they might SHUT UP and make the world more peaceful...lol. Love people around you, for they are around for a reason, they sense your love and like different poles, yáll attract each another. wahaha!!! Are you attracted to me? i'm a very strong force right? haha!!! i shall sleep now...Training in CCAB today!!! Indoor!!! Sheltered from the rain!!! muahahahahhahaaa..

Rain Rain Rain Rain Rahhhhh... Untouchable mE

Humid Heat

My mouth has 2 less teeth now!!! ARgHHH...the dentist pulled out my wisdom teeth, now i'm not so wise anymore...sianss...back in the humid hot pluviosity. But i'm back for Training!! wahahha!!! And lately i observed some shoppers but i aint gonna say it here today, cos my memory fails me. GEtting old. Lazy to remember i guess...hahaa!!!

I'm lonely!!! One guy to the whole cluster!!! Ohmy gosh, this is nuts!!!

Memme Fatale XD

MTR Shopping

Toot Toot!!! ChooChoo Train make its way out of the tunnel of darkness, a familiar light pass through the transparent barricades and the world beyond them seem like a massive slide show as the train slows down. The slide show consist of flashes of kiddish smiles, Smoochies, interlocked fingers of different relationships. Hehehe =D It was indeed a hmm... picture!! ahaha!! And as the slide doors open, the atmosphere merge and guess what i heard? The best choir ever formed, the baby crying soprano, the kids laughing alto, the young unbroken tenor and the oldies grumbling bass. Woah!!! Better than HC choir!!! hahah!!! MiaoQin, you wanna come join the Subway Choir? haha!!! Nice Nice!!! Try looking at the world with alittle more abstract perspective, it all seems more interesting doesn't it?

Oh!! then i alighted at Shatin and i waited 40 minutes for Peter!!! he takes longer than girls!!! Rahhhhh!!! luckily he brought me to somewhere nice to have lunch if not i would've slaugthered him for Tea break!!! muahahaha!! Then we started shopping shop shop shop, grabbing clothes grab grab grab and then try try try!!! Super Fun, then try finish never buy!!! waahahahhaha!!! i bet the sales people super duper pissed!!! Guilt was diminished by our selfish theory, why buy something that you regret buying, just to ease the guilt of troubling the salesman. Its their Job!!! hahah!!! We should adopt the feminine character of trying until something fits you, not you fitting something. hehe!! =D FUN FUN FUN!!! in the end i only bought socks from SportsHouse!!! hahah!!!

Shop without Guilt!!!

The Debate

sWe, my parents and i, were debating about communism, democracy and management of the Association that my Dad helps out at. I guess when you argue, you understand more of yourself and others. Like are you patient enough to listen to someone's viewpoint or are you the kind that's quick to argue back, trying to use your voice to drown all others even though your point might just be illogical. haha!!! It was a cool thing to do, arguing and trying to prove that your point is right and at the end of the day, you see new light and kinda understand things better. My mum was kinda neutral, watching me and my dad exchange fire as we seek victory in our own logical terms. haha!! Good exercise for the mind and family. =D weird, i guess keeping quiet is more weird, cos communication is the key to a better family. but i'm not suggesting that you debate and argue over every simple thing! haahaa!! well well, my mum nagging me to bath!!! shall continue later about my little shopping trip and the philosophy i learnt. hehe!!! Mum always nagging!!! Arghhhhhh...i'm gonna create tsunami in the bathtub!!! Muaahahahha!!!

Chill after the Heat...

Vulgarities

before i proceed on to shitting, the foul gas has seeped through the tissues and the nerves, giving rise to a shitty thought. haha!!! you know i was thinking, wait before i tell you what i'm thinking, i shall give you a brief introduction to the history of the WORD today. Long post to be...Beware!!! keke

History of Vulgar
Once upon a time, a man named Gregory Leboman, who was a English Literature Professor at Oxford University, saw a prostitute cursing and he invented the word vulgar by combining "vul" from french which meant dirty and rude ,and "galr" from latin which meant girls. Okay i shall stop laming...cos what i wrote up there is all fake!!! waahahahahhaha!!! well the following is the real version. The ancestor of vulgar, the Latin word vulgris (from vulgus, "the common people"), meant "of or belonging to the common people, everyday," as well as "belonging to or associated with the lower orders" Vulgris also meant "ordinary," "common (of vocabulary, for example)," and “shared by all.”

However, Singapore's political drama scenes contradicts with the definiton of lower order. Is it JKB? today they use vulgarities in their scripts and plays, and somehow it is regarded as a High Class thing. When Literature goes beyond measures and limits, vulgarities rush in to take the places of bleak and emotionless words. Confusing huh? Certaining it is but i've found another meaning in adopting vulgarities in conversations. For instance, guys will go like "Hey bitch, how ya doing?" or "Bye Fucker, take care aye?" Such intrusion of rude terms might mean excessively redundant, but do you feel something? maybe for the girls, you take it as a very rude remark, but to me, the happy-go-lucky, i see and feel a sense of kinship, closeness of friendship, like because he knows that i know him well enough that he did not mean any offence or whatsoever, therefore using rude terms in a joking manner in place of "pal", "dude" or "man". I guess you get me now ya? Before i hop on to the next paragraph, there's a culture to substantiate my point of view. The blacks! a.k.a. the Niggers! They call themselves "niggers" within their community, but once a white call them that, he's in for some real good beating, because the blacks would see it as a derogatory remark, just because it's from the "white" mouth. Sense of belonging i guess, and probably a very important code word that whites ain't allow to use. haha! If you watch Coach Carter, no doubt it's a show and prove no evidence, there's a scene when their white teammate called them a nigger and nothing happen to him. Why is it so? Because they are teammates, they are friends, so does that explains the human behaviour of reacting to words or to selected group of people? lol

Everyday, people use vulgarities like it means nothing. Yes, exactly, the rudeness dilutes over time. Let's take a look at the word "damn", in the past, the very old past, "damn" is a word deemed to be rude by the mass, which also mean the common people[pls look at the definitions of word "vulgar" again, funny ya?] Today, "damn" is just another word, although there's still a pinch of rudeness, well it has damn right been taken off the rude league. so does this mean that we shouldn't take it so hard when vulgarity usage is concerned, since at the end of the day, it will be reduced to yet another normal word with minimum rudeness and offense. Hmm...worth perusing not, its pretty a cute topic, so Fuck you!!! hahaha!

And as a religion, what is correct, what is wrong? Today scientist say this product is harmful, tomorrow another say its good for health? Of cos, such examples ain't applicable for moral arguements, but does the use of language justify you as a good man or a bad man [BATMAN = good man, hero? lol] okie, that's lame...haha!! Does saying Fuck means you are a sinner and a man with ugly character? Words are like looks, they are all deceptive, designed and engineered by men to work magic, to make wrong look good? yea? haha!!! So as you scroll down to the bottom of this blog? Are you still searching for a identity? maybe language will give you a little clue, maybe a lead. Are you sensitive in your words? Are we not all sinners asking for forgivenss? Are we not all regretful people of words, wishing that time machine is invented the next day, so we could take back words we subconsciously used in anger and sadness? Are we speaking the correct tongue, yet hiding informationn in our heart, that seem so hard to be verbalise? Today, who are we to use adjectives and nouns to judge people? And all words in dictionary are vulgar, since all big words come from small words and small words belong to common people, are they not? And words like pretty, smart, handsome, can be so vulgar, so sarcastic, so subtle in different context, are they not vulgarities too? haha!!!

I hope i find the answer

News Update

60 minutes - The MEMORY PILL [Sharl Finkelstein] some scientists have argued that memory can be erased or weakened by using propananold, but persistent heresy has posed challenges to this idea of memory eradication. Adrenaline is a hormone that helps us remember things better, making some events more deep rooted than others, like emotional or important ones. Therefore, for example, a rape victim will be traumatised by the event, since a lot of adrenaline are generated during such an emotional period. This will cause a pyschological disorder, termed Post Stress Trauma Disorder [PSTD]. With the help of Propananold and drugs alike, psychiatrists are able to weaken or erase such painful memories and allow victims to live a less fearful life. Well well, while this is not entirely a breakthrough, pharmcologist argued that it might popularise and be used broadly to cure random stuff like Breakups, Embarassment, things like that that you wanna forget. haha! Coooolll

60 minutes - 12 year old composer prodigy composed symphony pieces in few hours...ohmy!! haha!!! anw, the interviewer questioned him, what can make you happy? then he brilliantly replied, Who can define happiness? It struck me though its simplicity where sublte complexity surface as you contemplate over and over again. Maybe i'm just complicating things..who knows!? haha!! so what's your happiness? is defining happiness part of searching our obscure identity. actually at this very point, i think the first paragragh is pretty lame info ya? lol.. I guess happiness is a relative issue. If there ain't any sadness, then there will never be happiness. Right? dunnoooo

HK News - A maid cut off a little boys private part and slices it. Yeeewww!! I think she's great. the actions and voices of irresponsible parents have found the wall and echo back something bloody and appalling. So this is a shout out, if you are getting a kid, take care of him or her, so as to make sure your bloodline flows...hahaha!!! BEWARE!!! you might be the next!!! keke...

Thank you for watching paroxysmlink News
Goodnight!!! hahahaha

Playing is a kind of discipline