The Origins

Friday!! equals to Fries-day, therefore we ate our dinner at mr Junkie Macdonald! haha! Yichun asked me about my blog name...Paroxysmlink. Well, it hit my mind like a armaegadon, destroying all other words and phrases that lived in my memory. It means a sudden outburst of emotions and/or actions. When do we type our entries? When the sudden need to do so yeah?! That mixture of emotions expressed, ideas verbalised in languages, feelings felt respective to the heavy loaded words used, thoughts exemplified by personal experience. All these fills the blog with thought provoking heresy, challenged by different angles of criticism, yet enforced by faith and purpose, some may see it as lunatical, well i say its DREAM! Our character reflects our habit and mannerism; our words [carefully chosen since blog is publicised] illustrate our maturity and sensitivity; the content elaborates our desires, our lust, our mindset, our beliefs. People are so colourful, so majestic, so crappy [ME]! hahaha! okay! enough of bullshit...well since "paroxysm" was taken by another intelligent user, i decided to add a link to it, blog as a medium to connect to the rest of the world and probably to yourself. Charm once commented that blog is a psychiatric chair, then Lisha said its a way to know more about others, cant agree more with both surprising smart ladies...muhahahaha!!! some people say blog is stupid, never knew it existed till Junior College. You know me in Catholic high, green pants, green compound, green this green that, people tend to turn green, that explains my ignorance doesnt it? haha! well said Billy! owell, i thinks its beautiful, making serving the web not just for some things but for other things! heheehe =p so yup yup, that's how the name come about...heh.

First thought i was chewing on today was charity. The thought never ceased to be more interesting, like some new gum invented by mr. Willy Wonker that has an everlasting taste!! hahah!! Well, i was thinking men, we spend life studying, then working, earning lots of money, then living a luxurious life, then die rich. Well i make it sound so meaningless aye? YES!!! that's the idea i wanna bring across!!! You know what's the difference between a crippled begger who had a penny in hand, his income from the whole day of begging and offer his whole fortune to this poor little starving kid just for him to buy some food and this millionaire who once in a while bypass a needy, making no eye contact so as to avoid the building guilt. No doubt i've drawn extreme pictures but i want you to understand. Have Richness and Power taught us to be proud, arrogant piece of shit? Well, some people might think, the money is the prize of my ingenuity, the reward of this educational achievement, therefore they perceived that its MY $$$, others don't deserve it, because one very simple fact. They didn't work hard enough to earn it, I DID!!! Does this ring anything in your head? Hmm...i'm not trying ti say that you should donate all your assets or what, but at least i dunno! spare a thought for people less fortunate? You know why millionaires and billionaires attend charity parties and donate astronomical sums? Yeah...they do wanna show off their wealth but the very basic reason is that they want others to view them as philanthropic. That's the origin of us, to be nice, to do good. And the meaning of doing good is loving others whether that person deserve it or not. You shall not subject that person to your personal judgement for you a sinner has no authority to judge others. So be good and stay nice!!! :)

Second thought derived from me...of cos its from me, i thought of it!!! hahaha!! As promos is coming to an end, i was afraid that i will get retain, and the thought [not the second thought] seem to have become an obstacle for me when i'm mugging. Its like since i have high percentage of retaining, why bother working so hard? But i told piglet to try her best! So i say to myself, never give up without trying and i kinda like the feeling, working hard though slacking quite a bit. Its like if i kena retained then just balme myself for not working hard enough but i tried at the very last minute, all that i am able to do. hehe =p You know sometimes we like to be prophets, play God, try to predict the future, most of the time with pessimistc perspective. I was telling one of my friend who had a future in mind, something bad he contemplated about, so i told him, why think so far when it saddens you now till that day when you finally find out? Why not let things flow and when it really struck you just be sad for that moment. This was due to my excellent calculation of the length of time that person would be sad, the latter is significantly shorter. OH! i have this friend [i got lotsa friends!!! XD] he's having this long distance relationship, he's in US and girlfriend in Australia. Then that day online, i was chatting and asking him about his relationship and stuff liddat la, my question was "how y'all tahan so long in the absence of each other? i know absence make the heart fonder but too long will kill it!" and "What about the coming year when school term resume?" most people will say dunno la or just liddat lor. But he gave me quite a definite answer "we work it out day by day, securing each day with sweetness and happiness and it will keep you going for the days to come." Pretty sweet yeah, and apart from that, this is something you should not long too far into, like long distance won't last, so troublesome, what will happen tomorrow, that kinda stuff. Hmm...very tired lela! Well i know some things require you to think ahead, think far...but when you encounter things like what i mentioned above, try to keep your far-sightedness as short as possible...haha!

Finally i'm not telling you to pursue perfection but instead achieve humanity [to a certain level? VAGUE]. ohya...i once asked my dad, if selfishness is part of human nature, then wouldn't being inhumane good!! hahah!! then he talk talk talk talk about philo stuff that turn me off cos no room to rebut, furthermore no point arguing with a man so firm in his thoughts. i call that stubborn!! in my blood too i assume!! hehe =p

Played ball with teachers today!! Michael Wong ZAI but he's like laxing one! He showed me my mistakes and let me reflect on my own plays!!! NICE!!!

I LOVE MUGGING
hope nothing is too late!

Dead

Everything seems so dead, the only vibrance is when we talk about exams, the questions. The conversations has always revolve around mugging. Common questions like "hey! how's your mugging?" Econs and GP ended yesterday and chemistry tmr!!! well i guess i shall leave now...brain dead!!! hahahaha

All the best!!!

Message

I heard 2 different versions to a story, an event not long ago. Hmm...i was thinking that exaggeration might be due to the lack of vocabulary. For example, if he was jogging, then an observer with bad vocab might say he's sprinting?! haha...well you get the idea aye? anyway its a real bad example. haha! i've been thinking alot lately, maybe promos are nearing, that's why my brains wanna work more efficiently. i'm wasting time now!!! but i've decided to abandon my notes for a little while [1hour] haha...to get some fresh air [just farted!!! XD] and maybe get some snacks after writing this post

Offering!! Church goers, when its offering time, will you put in a 50 dollar note into the offering pouch if you had no small change. For me, i always make an effort to change my big notes to small notes like $2. Lately, i went church with my friends and this gal had only $5 notes or bigger, she reluctantly took it out, the dollar note still partially intact with the cleavage of the purse. The bond between the dollar note and the purse seems unbreakable by the force of reluctance. Well, i've encountered this once, skinny wallet with 3 ten dollars fresh from the ATM :) i was wondering then if i should offer one of this "precious" dollar note? Well, i thought of the uses of this yet-to-go dollar note. i will spend it on food, on movie, on something materialistic. So you know what i did yea? Next time you got big big change, just drop it into the offering pouch and pray for your love ones.

And for non-christians maybe you know, as you walk on the streets, look out for balloons! buy one and give it to a kid! He/she will be overjoyed! i guarantee you that! that time Valentine's Day, me and Jeremy bought this balloon for this Japanese kid!! Super cute, not to mention that i'm a "pedophile". hahaha! Stupid Jeremy go and pay extra 50cent when my bargaining was concluding to my satisfaction!! dumb dumb! Maybe as you sit at some bus stop in the middle of a scorching day, look around, see someone sweating? Offer a tissue, see someone lost, guide him/her if you know the way AH! if not later that person end up at the wrong place!! hahah! Ohya! and if you see Billy around, say hi and ask him if he wants a drink, free lunch or dinner at the new Vilage!! hahaha! he would definitely be super duper happy, flying over the moon!!!

SHARE! for God has provided you with the BEST!
You are Blessed to BLESS!!!

All about James

Many people seem slightly lost amid the fanfaronade, jumping to conclusions, judging by the cover.

'''Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fines clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fines clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?''' James 2:2-4

Often we look at people at a superficial level, disliking this and that, thinks he as a poser, she as a bimbo, this inflitrates our conscience, further judging the person's content by what we observe. How it may be so sweet of him or her but yet you live on in your own beliefs. The sweetness that you will never taste, the care that you will never receive because of your personal prejudice. I think i've made this mistake before therefore here i am sharing it with so that you follow your own footsteps instead of fitting into my footprints i've regretfully left behind. i've heard comments of this particular person just because he's after something he may love or desire or treasure. I believe and i pray that he be a good man, a good disciple to the christian teachings. Although that may sound very idealistic [which is ME], i see the kind side of everyone, the side that they perceived as weakness if publicised. However, they are the strengths that are underemployed. As i look at this matter, i've yet come to another thought, subjectively final for the moment. As this happens, my heart finds its grave, and the surviving cells wil be locked up. i'm happy for you and youuuu! May God bless you and youuuu!

May HE grant you[reader] the wisdom to see clearly =)

My History

i was questioned in one of the comment from the previous entry. If i hurt anyone before. yea i know you dint meant any animosity and i shall satisfy your curiosity. Well i made a real bad mistake in sec3 that i, till now, regretted. i'm not going into detail but its something related to people. Of course its related to people right! How would you be able to make anything else sad! hahaha! its kinda complicated, maybe because i never look at it as anything simple in any perspective. its about relationship, me adding salt to her wounds. aggravating her sadness, i was somehow manipulative with my words, asking for it, yet i dislodge my true feelings at that moment, the time when things were ready to blossom. So there goes the false hope, like a bomb, an air raid in the middle of the night that struck her right smack in her heart. i guess? Maybe some of you are just not close enough for me to hurt you. So i tend to treat others nicer now, because of the living guilt that loiters somewhere i cant take it out. And it has formed stereotypes in my life, i fear once again and thus locked those feelings in my soul, zip my mouth to prevent a wrong move again. i've learnt my lessons well, preach the way to hang on and i dunno. This is my history!
Therefore, conclusion is that, i'm not so nice afterall.

and this is something i would like to share:

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. "There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."
[1]: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."
[2]: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."
[3]: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."
[4]: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."
[5]: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write." The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.
[1]: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
[2]: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.
[3]: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
[4]: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.And
[5]: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

Internal Contradictions

Come what may.
Follow the flow?
Defying the fear.
Smash the com?

hahaha...a little more than 2 weeks and it is promos!

Hope i can tahan!

BILLY is driving small billyboy crazy!!!

Breakfast

Breakfast was crunchy toast, steaming milo. As i settled down, placed the tray in front of me, looking at it with consternation, giving thanks was not my habit, but i marvelled at the food right before my sleepy eyes. a dream? hahaha! How simple it may, delicious yet it can be. As i manoveur the knife and toast, spreading that yellow solid over the freshly toasted slice, it seems that the butter is dancing, gliding gracefully across each end, covering the stage with its own flavour and style. How wonderful to see the once brown and tan patches, now consumed by the yellowishness, a bit translucent, giving the toast a little sparkle under the morning sunshine. =) The steaming milo sat quietly, the fog that evolved seemed to engulf the air around me, casting a magical effect, like the smokey, dreamy feeling in any musical. This is accompanied by the aromatic [do you think they have benzene rings in them?] therapreutic effect. Soothing the mind and relaxing the muscles of a bad night sleep? haha! well well, this whole breakfast seems like a musical, a dream intact with that of last night.. Wonderful start for the day, isn't it? Start hallucinating!

Living in Delusion might be Beautiful