Back then

Early morning, half past two. taking a short break...puff...trying to finish up a novel, TIRED! Eyelids sinking, but hopefully i will finish it before i drown in my dreams, hehe (: EOM due today! All rushing to complete it with or without quality. haha. saw Steve come out from the toilet. Oh! i'm sure you guys know what he did in there...haha! hahaha! Well i still havent finish my econs essay or should i say, havent inked anything at all. hmm...think think ding ding ting ting fing fing...hahaha...there's training tmr!! ohmygosh!! hahaha! heck laa...can slack since i'm injured! wahahaha!

for Dion...
I never was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away completely

Our souls were one, if you must know
and shall they be apart;
With splendid dawn, your face aglow
I reach for you and find my heart.


Hope you guys hang on there yeah?! haha! kashisasubabibabi...hahaha...dunno wth i'm talking about...guess its Jap! wahaha! happy for both of you so i will keep on teasing!!! haha! people that read my blog will know laa...i'm not big-mouth! i'm BIG-HAND!!! next victim.........hmm...LQT~ hahaha so FUN! sorry if you feel offended, i like being childish (:

God Bless ya ya ya ya
High on Hello Panda!!

soon to be one too...hehee, i will greet you with "chocolate dougnuts" framing my beady eyes! muahahahaha...gone nuts~~

*tis was written on friday b4 dawn broke the darkness in my life(:*

Lousy

its quite sometime i wrote something here. Just came back from basketball games. Inexperience aid me to lose all of them, anxiety help create turnovers, miss shots provided me with more restricitons, the lack of stamina caused my legs to wobble. That's the true me in basketball, the lousy side that i have neglected relative to others. The supremacy was always temporary and superficial. What really was in there was the inexperience soul that arrogantly proclaim a talent uniquely mine. However tonight, this arrogance has shy off and the pride diminished, left with a heart that beat 100+/min, fatigue followed, contemplation starts its engine. While i was walking up, i was indeed sadden by my atrocious performance on court, not just here, not just during 06 inter-school tournament. But it was everytime, every moment on court, basketball, my game? shall leave it aside first, leave that to my coach to decide for me. haiss...

Shall start doing my CHINESE homework, must have the same attitude towards all subjects i guess. hmm...gotta start on my econs essay today, been procrastinating since last week?! haha! oh! saw the council president just now, stepped out from the taxi, unlike that of Lexus commercials, there no were sexy legs as she make her way out of the door. haha! opps hope she doesnt read this. But i was thinking, hmm...see i once thought that councillors were chosen cos they were popular, crappy, approachable?, funny, but not feasible creatures. I guess this system work in HC and similarly in other top JCs because all of them are inborn leaders. but but they seem quite immature at certain stuff. Like look at soccer team, they seem so minute, maybe they will create miracles next year. Nobody knows! ahaha.. no link! wahahaha! hmm...i like the feeling now. so comfortable, with my wet arse half sticking out in the air so as not to moist the whole chair! hahaha!

Once upon a time, we all lived happily ever after...

Pain

my ankle hurts!!! Defying biology, bearing the pain on court. hehe (= dun care! Oh! i saw this chio bu...damn chio one...but this person is kinda intangible, cos she's locked in another world. In the world of reflections. She's seen when you pass by it and gone by the second when you step beyond the angle. You wanna know who she is? Aha! its my reflection!!! Lame huh?!

Well i'm just saying that all you people are pretty and handsome in one way or another. Looks never matter as long as hmm...well you go think about it! haha! So there goes the "quiet confidence" a.k.a shy...show the world how beautiful you are! crapping...wahahah! XD

Result

As i was reading in the fishtank today, i contemplated on certain issues and came up with flimsy conclusions. Some thoughts invaded my mind, while memories buoy once again. As i flip through the pages, i kinda started to visualise my own story though in random pattern. Well, i've come to conclusion. Though it may just end like that, i will still peruse and sometimes look back in retrospect. Probably end up giggling at my own stupidity and immaturity. haha XD shall throw it at the far far back of my mind! Top priority now, CHIONG for PROMOS! RAWR!! i was quite ineffecient reading that book as i repeated paragraphs after paragraph, seemingly fathoming the Literature-like book [which wasnt the case] answering invisible questions, questions set by the heart.

After tolerating the unpleasant sonance in fishtank, i stood up 1.81m towering all others. muahahaha! i perambulated the school looking for familiar faces to have light lame convos. Blame the half day, the school seems empty, lifeless, almost dead with a few zombie-like muggers staying around studying in the serenity. Yet i was happily dancing around unfettered from the timetables and eyes of criticism. Bump into Jenny&Jeana, they came over to interrogate me one at a time. Quite cool huh?! Though different in person but similar or maybe exact in looks for those who still can't differentiate them. OH! maybe you guys can try to integrate them! hahaha! then i saw Rachel at netball court working hard on her new shooting style, Sedulous training are always accompanied great achievements! Yeah?! hope you score more next year! wahaha! At first YongXian thought you were ShaSha Bear laa... hmm...i shall not go into detail cos it will urge the readers to either redirect to another webby or click the cross button sitted comfortably on the top right hand corner of the screen. haha!

Oh! btw...i found out that gals are much much crazier than guys after playing basketball with netball. They[Eddie+Shanny] went berserk, laughing at their own creativity of jokes! but yeah, i was too guffawing on the floor! Ohmy, they were really lame and unimaginable! but it was good time spent, nice laughing, straining my tummy a little. i guess i gotta study! sounds strange huh?! haha!

It seems to have diffused into my blood
Everytime it passes my heart
I feel a little twitch, feelings returning
Just like Yesterday
I like it =) Thanks for these memories...

Bubbling

Bubbling in the Fishtank, surfing the net, confined behind glass windows. The world beyond it seems so vibrant yet silent. People walking, interacting, laughing and yet you can only see and hear nothing. Is this the feeling of being deaf? hmm...however when the glass door sways open then closing, an unfamiliar noise fills the Fishtank. Something in contrast to the kiddy voice of Kid Central now showing on TV. blah blah blah...damn bored laa...shall go read The Notebook or play BALL!!! Chinese is like 3h away from my previous lesson. enough time for e to fly to HK laa...chained in school by the stupid timetable!!

God our ATM

We always demand so much, never satisfied, never contented with the blessings we had. Yet God has always shift the supply curve to the right so that the price that is required to acquire these blessings are so so low and negligible. The only thing you ever have to do to earn them is to pray. Pray for your love ones and not entirely for your own interest. He's always willing to give, all you've gotta do is to take a step closer and ask. Reach out to this old friend that you may not have talk to in like donkey years.

Praying is not a reason for asking for forgiveness to do something wrong or asking for favours but instead, its relating to God, working things out together. And we are never self-sufficient, that's why we have friends and family and sometimes we take people for granted which is not our fault but sometimes you've gotta show them you cared, the are of importance in your journey to anywhere. There's always the need for interaction, the need to care and look out for each another, to love each another. How often have you make a difference in someone's life? difference here must be POSITIVE okie! haha! if its negative you should go home and reflect! haha! well, i believe people are mirrors. If we expect ourselves to be treated nicely, then have you treat others the same way? How dare ask for hospitality when you were hostile? okay, not so serious but then the least you could do is to respond with gratitude and a SMILE! wheee (:

Most of the time, we see faults in people easily but we often miss the good. The concealing beauty of a personality is undeniably hard to detect. sounds familiar Rach? hahaha! As you get to know the person, its easier to make judgement but like what you said, the closer you get, the more you might dislike him or her. Hmm...blah blah blah blah...black sheep...hehehe :-p

God always provided us with the best but sometimes he take on the female trait, indirectly catering to our needs. We always illusionise, see things in the way we want. dunno laaaaaaalalalala...like we always ask why this and that happened to me, why God wasn't there for me. But but but but...have you heard of the Footprint Poem! Nice!!! Complains and Whinings. He's always there to walk through difficult times with us, carry us when i'm "lame" hehe! We just assume this challenges we meet to be something nasty, painful. No doubt it hurts but it's a test of oneself. Over-indulgence in the problem will never lead us anywhere but deeper down into the pit of helplessness and depression. Thus forgetting that the solution is to be sought through and with Him. So whenever you encounter something not so pleasant, just bear with it and learn whatever lesson there is. In that way, not only will you feel much much better but also learn something new, like how to cope with this kinda problem if they do unluckily happen again.

Dunno what mua talking again...hmm...oh! Thanks Charm! you surprised me with the msg but it was so kind and sweet of ya~ hehe! And someone please stop Lisha from covering her ears and shutting her eyes during movies that have no scary scenes at all!!! hahah! Well i just ate BBQ wings flavoured Potato Chips...so heaty!! ohmy....sleeping so late somemore...pimples appearing like unstoppable pop-ups ads online! GG! tired but happy! haha! Rach is sentenced to 2 weeks of "Jail"!! hehe!

You pick me up from the stray
Guide me to my next destination
Brought chocolate back into my life
Sweet and Bitter
Black and White
Once in a while
the rotten grey and the spoilt sourness
For that i thank you!

God bless all of ya!!!

Let me know

i shall retreat into my own little world and heck about others. Giving no shit about what's happening around me. I really dunno wad to do!! hmm...would someone enlighten me? ahem ahem...do you think its fair for me to ask for a break? do you think its fair for me to be selfish? drifting apart would be good huh? maybe i care too much, neglected your feelings. maybe i think too much, always contradicting myself, left mind fighting with the right. haiss...but then again, what's all these about? maybe my words will be disappointment. Agitate you for that little while but i guess i dunno what you've been through. Cant really compare what we all went through relatively. but maybe this time i will take the fast-food way out. Sorry but i really can't hold on for the last piece of rock on that cliff i am hanging on is eroding by the flush of confusions and helplessness. i want to breathe a different air, for the current atmosphere is just too suffocating. what happened? you know best for i've always been the one following the lead. haiss...what have i become? i feel stupid at this very moment...dunno why too. Maybe i should be a bastard too :) maybe i'm already one...but who cares.

Words unable to define the feelings
Feelings seemed unexpressive
Hidden deep down unwilling to share
but now it urges me to let it go
like a struggle for freedom and happiness
so here's the bomb...BOOM!

i feel the need to be loved again, and hate loving for it's poisonous

Pleasant Start

OMGosh, there's no physics tomorrow...meaning no long breaks to sleep before i carry on till 1730h. tsk...econs is getting more and more interesting with all linking together and branching out like amylopectin! hahaha! School started...reopened with a stranger feel. It seems that blocks and post-blocks have been the agenda everywhere. Well, its a top school, very likely of such a phenomenon. haha! me still the care-free imported wholesale from Cat High! WoOhoO...i was dunking volleyballs today and the feeling was YES! i'm one step closer. hehe (: very happy for that moment. but i still play in fear cos my arm actually twisted slightly twice...that very awkward feeling that accompanies every movement i do, with every pressure at any angle. Hais...haha. wad a challenge...mental one i guess.

Oh...stupid Miaoqin, lucky got ur choc save you, if not you will die la...cos i bu shuang le! hahahaha...well, you must know that i'm still a kid stuck in a 1.8 frame. i like doing irritating stuff! wahaha XD well...all de best! now i cant call you or msg you when i bored lor...cos u will dao me for...(coughs)...oppss!

Deja Vu...but i guess things are going great for everybody...blocks results coming back, giving me a final wake up call before the promos come by. Oh! i got this sms from my secondary school buddy this morning la...wad a pleasant surprise...v happY =) then it was really nice of him to do so...catching up with every vagueness in the sms(s) haha! So mayb you reading it now, mayb tmr morning you send a msg to a long time no see no hear no talk friend and give him or her a warm morning with a happy msg to start the day! that willl be v nice of you! hehe (=

Time has stolen something from me, but i aint saying it down here. haha! Nostalgia. mixed feelings...i think when i am alone in my room, i ponder over lotsa lotsa stuff. Guess my brain isnt that rusty afterall. haha!

msg your fren soon!
cos wad you are getting in return would be unexpectedly surprisingly pleasant!
Simplicity is the Hardest :)

Gotcha

Wow! i was reading this article on Today (Redemption Song) and it really got me. its about inmates writing poems expressing their repentance and love and so much more emotions. one poem translated from malay

12 Steps
With every word, i learn to keep it
With every criticism, i learn to understand
With every ego, i learn about humility
With every step, i learn to be careful
With every mistake, i learn to improve
With every doubt, i learn to believe
With every injury, i learn about healing
With every cry, i learn about regret
With every sin, i learn to repent

it really took them a long way to really self-reflect and put pen to paper, inking all that emotions and regret. Are we ready to put down our coloured contacts and forgo the prejudice against them? it may be hard, but there's a easier approach, look at your own life. i'm sure there are people that hurt you, backstab you, curse you and so on...are you gonna forgive them? God gave us a heart to love but not to hate. For hate is not a virtue of human and that hatred generates sadness for you have grudges in your heart...stopping you from loving. I'm learning to put a balanced viewpoint on a certain group of people. For the people i have encountered from that group was nothing but fabulous and nice people. Maybe i over generalised them. Well, saying "you're forgiven" is as heavy as saying "i'm sorry".

then there was this part on the officer touching the lives of others. let me tell you today, making a difference in others is so so so easy. A pack of chocolate when the person is sad, a note of encouragement when the person face challenge, a token of appreciation when the person done something (magnitude nv matters) for you. All these touch the person at least for that day, for it's present, a gift by itself, enhanced with the interaction of humanity. For God has given us the potion we need.

I LOVE HIM
I LOVE Y'ALL